Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
by WakeUpSunshine
Summary: AU RT We were best friends until his thirteenth birthday. He told me that his ’new’ friends were much cooler than I was so he didn’t even invite me to his birthday party.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I know starting this story is like suicide but I couldn't not post it. So I did, hopefully this first chapter tells you enough about the background as you need to know. It's AU. Ryan doesn't live with the Cohen's, but with his mom in Newport. Hmm, RT of course, don't know how to write anything else...**

Chapter 1

He had been my first. Not as in the first guy I had sex with but the first guy that had ever shown me their private parts. We were five. Our mother's had sat up this play date for us just so they could talk. We were up in my bedroom when it happened. I was a very curious little girl, wanting to know why he had extra parts that I didn't have. It just hadn't made sense to me at the time. So, the whole 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' issue came up. I wasn't hesitant for a second to pull down my skirt and panty's it had been him who took his time. I remember seeing it and wondering how in the hell that got there. That's when we were caught. I had never heard my mother scream so loudly.

He had also been my first kiss. We were seven when it happened. To this day I vow that it was a complete accident. He shouldn't have been sitting in front of me, or he wouldn't have had his lips attacked by mine. Poor guy freaked out and ran away from me. I only giggled and went about my day.

We were best friends until his thirteenth birthday. He told me that his 'new' friends were much cooler than I was so he didn't even invite me to his birthday party. I remember crying for days in my locked bedroom. That's the year my dad left. It was also the year my mother had started picking on me.

Ryan Atwood had always, and will always be, my weakness. It's been three years since I've actually spoken to him. At first he would still say hi to me in the halls at school or whenever I saw him out and about. It wasn't until last year that he started dating Marissa Cooper that he completely blocked me out.

Marissa Cooper was my step-sister of all things. When I was fourteen my father married her gold-digging mother. I had gone to the wedding to only see Marissa and Ryan there together. It was a miserable time. I haven't seen my father since, even if he only lived five houses down from me.

Ryan had started running with Luke Ward and his crew. I wasn't sure what he saw in those pigs but according to him they were way cooler than I was.

Ryan had completely changed from when we were kids growing up. Sometimes I see his mother, Dawn Atwood, at the store or something. She stops me and tells me how much she misses seeing me around her house all of the time. She says that she can't stand Marissa Cooper and really wishes Ryan and I had stuck as friends.

She and my mom had once been best friends but something or other happened that messed that up completely. According to my mom Dawn had become addicted to drugs and became an alcoholic but that's just my mother speaking. She doesn't count. The woman feeds off of anything anyone tells her and makes it much worse than it really is.

Ryan's father, Frank Atwood, owns this large company in New York. He had left Dawn and Ryan when Ryan and I were 11. Ryan has an older brother, Trey. The second he could he bolted off towards New York to live with their father. Ryan had told me he didn't care and that he liked it better without his dad hitting him and his brother picking on him.

I remember when his dad would hit him. I'd take care of his cuts and bruises before his mom could see them, he didn't want her to worry about him or get mad at his dad for hurting him. I remember telling him it would be better if he just told his mom. He hadn't though. His mom found out on her own. Hence his father leaving them.

I remember we got into this huge fight that summer because he thought it was me who told his mom about his dad hitting him. His mom had been the one to tell him the truth. I couldn't believe he'd even think I'd do a thing like that but he was Ryan and I couldn't not forgive him, so I did and we were fine…well only for a year or so more.

I thought after Ryan had stopped being friends with me that I'd be alone. That didn't happen. That same year I met Lindsey Gardner. She happened to have a nephew that was our age, Seth Cohen. I don't really talk to him but he's friends with Ryan from what I've heard. I basically know all my information from either Lindsey or Seth about Ryan. It's sad that we grew up together and he won't even speak to me now. It's a little annoying but I've learned to live with it. I have no choice, really.

I've decided this year to make school my top priority. To stop caring about whether Ryan Atwood will talk to me again or not.

That was all until I walked into my first class of my junior year. I usually liked to get there early to get a good seat and talk to the teacher a bit before class started but today my mother had something to talk to me about making me later than usual.

My luck there was only one seat left in the entire class. Of course, the person to occupied the seat next to the empty one was Ryan Atwood. I sucked my breath in a bit before making my way over to him. He glanced at the seat and then at me, then looked around the rest of the class and let out a loud groan. He got out of his seat so I could slide in to the one that sat by the window.

"Perfect, first day of school and I'm already having to sit next to Dorksend." I almost couldn't believe he said that. Then I remembered who his friends were exactly. Then it got me wondering as to why he was friends with Seth Cohen. Seth Cohen wasn't much different than I am. He and Seth didn't even have the history that he and I had. It just doesn't make much sense to me at all.

"Sorry for ruining your day." I said back. The teacher told us to stop talking. Then he assigned our partners.

"Ryan Atwood, Taylor Townsend." And I thought my day couldn't get any worse. Okay, so I am excited to be working with Ryan all year but judging by the look on his face he's not happy about it all. I look down at myself. Am I that bad looking of a person? What have I done exactly to make him be such a jerk to me?

That doesn't matter. All that matter's is I have to make it a point to make Ryan actually speak to me this year. Change of plans on not caring about him. I'm not going through another year without an explanation. I at least deserve that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fourth story of mine that i've updated today. There's a tropical storm heading towards me...so i'll probably end up writing alot all weekend unless there's no electricity. Anyway, Here's the second chapter of this...it's interesting to write and totally out of my element a bit. Making Ryan be a jerk is rather difficult here. **

Chapter 2

It happened two days before he turned thirteen. I can remember it exactly because it was a really rainy day out. I remember walking from my house to his with the rain pelting down on my but not caring because I'd get to see my best friend, so it just didn't matter. I knew he'd let me change into some of his clothes so I wouldn't get sick.

I walked into their house just like I usually had without knocking. Dawn never cared and the housekeeper couldn't speak English so it never mattered to her one way or another. I made my way up the stairs that led to Ryan's bedroom. I didn't knock on his door either instead just walking in myself.

I was surprised to see that Ryan wasn't alone in his room. Usually when I would come over he'd be sitting on the floor playing video games by himself but not today. Today Luke Ward was sitting next to him and Marissa Cooper and Summer Roberts were both laying on his bed flipping through magazines. I remember standing there really confused. I coughed until all four of them looked up at me. Marissa and Summer giggled while Luke made some really lame joke. Ryan had pushed me out into the hall and shut his door so they couldn't hear him speaking to me.

That's when he told me that he had met Luke from the soccer team and they were going to start hanging out. He said that I just didn't fit in as well with his new friends. I told him that wasn't fair that he could still be friends with me. After eight years you'd think it would be more difficult for Ryan to get rid of me. It wasn't. He didn't even give me a sympathetic look when he asked me to leave and he told me I wasn't allowed to come to his party. At thirteen that was a big deal.

I ran from his house back out in the rain to mine. I ended up having the flu the next two weeks.

"Are you in there?" Someone's hand was moving back and forth in front of my face. I snapped out of my thoughts and saw the red hair of my best friend. I gave her a slight smile before we both started walking towards our lockers.

"Sorry…you will never guess who my lab partner is." I just had to come out and say it.

"Who?" She questioned. I looked over at her and she caught on. I didn't expect her to laugh but she did and it wasn't just a little giggle this was like a full on hysterical laugh. "It's all part of your luck, Taylor." She smiled.

"This is not funny, Lindsey! You don't understand the torture I'm going to have to endure the next year having to be that asshole's partner." I glared at her.

"Just make the best of it, Taylor. I'm sure it won't be so bad." Easy for her to say, she hadn't been Ryan's best friend at one point.

"I have Social Committee after school. Another year of Marissa Cooper thinking she's better than everyone else." I rolled my eyes. I really can't stand that girl.

"Have fun with that." She gave me a smile before shutting her locker and leaving me alone with my thoughts again.

After Social Committee and having to go through over an hour listening to Marissa Cooper not take any ideas from us about the Kick Off Carnival, I found myself walking out of the school to see Ryan leaning up against my car. I had to take a deep breath before approaching him.

"What are you doing?" I tried to sound as annoyed as possible that he was blocking my way to get into my car.

"I needed to talk to you." He shrugged.

"Then talk." I huffed once again hoping to sound annoyed, but I'm not. In fact I enjoy that he's standing in front of me and actually able to speak to me without calling me some stupid childish name.

"Is there any possible way that you can just put my name on projects that we do? I really don't have time to spend with you doing stupid shit…" I really wasn't expecting that so now I'm really annoyed, and not just pretending.

"Are you kidding me?" I gawk at him. Ryan Atwood is a very stupid boy.

"If I could I would change partners but I can't so you're going to have to just do what I say, got it?"

"Actually, no, Ryan I don't get it. What I do get is you are complete jerk and don't deserve my time of day. You will help me on these stupid little projects or get a failing grade. Either way I don't care." I pursed my lips.

"Why are you so difficult?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Why are you such a jerk?" I retorted. "You aren't even close to the guy I was best friends with."

"You're right, I'm not that geek anymore." He grinned.

"So are you going to move or what?" I asked him.

"If you give me a ride home." I could not believe the audacity of this boy. I huffed but nodded. I really need to learn to be more mean, more aggressive with my actions or words.

"I live…" He started to tell me directions to his house. I laughed at him.

"I know where you live, Ryan. I did spend eight years of my life practically living there."

"Right, I forgot…" He trailed off.

"Why exactly didn't you ask Marissa for a ride home?" I questioned.

"We're not together anymore, not that it's any of your business." He huffed realizing that he was actually being a little nice to me.

"Let me guess, she likes Luke Ward better than you."

"Don't." He warned.

"Don't what?" I asked him.

"Try to read my fucking thoughts. It's creepy."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes relaxing more into my seat putting my blinker on to turn out of the school parking lot. "We were eleven when you told me that you thought it was cute, what happened to that?" I looked over at him.

"I grew up. Don't start reminiscing and shit, just because we're partners and because you're giving me a ride home doesn't mean we're friends again." He glanced over at me before looking back out the winder.

"Why is it that you can't even look at me in the eye when you talk to me?" It had bothered me. He always avoided eye contact now whenever we talked.

"Because…" Was all he said.

"That's a great answer, Ryan. That really tells me a lot." I said sarcastically.

"I thought so, too." He shot back.

I suddenly slammed on my breaks in the middle of the road. I didn't care that there were cars honking at me and having to go around me.

"What are you doing?" He panicked a bit.

"Get out. You can walk home." I glared at him again. I really didn't need him talking to me like this. It's not fair, even a little bit.

"Look, I'm sorry…Just take me home. We don't have to talk the rest of the way."

"Fine but you are never getting another ride from me." I said as I put the car back in park.

"Got it." He nodded.

"Great." It's really difficult to be in the same vehicle with someone and not be able to speak to them. It's strange actually, since I love to talk. Maybe it's a good thing Ryan and aren't talking since we would probably just be arguing about something stupid. But then again at least he's saying something to me. There's one question waiting on the tip of my tongue and I decide once I ease my car up his drive way I'm going to ask. "Why?" I think I catch him a little off guard because he stops reaching for the door handle to leave.

"Why what?" He scratched the back of his head.

"Why Luke and Marissa? What did I do that you just had to dump me as a friend?" I asked him. He seemed to think about his answer. I expected him to say some really jerk-like comment.

"You were getting too close." Then I was left to ponder his answer. Getting too close? What in the hell does he mean by that? I want to get out of the car and keep asking him questions but I know he won't answer anymore since he basically just answered my question like it was nothing. He sure knows how to confuse the hell out of me.

He's always been that way actually.

Especially on my thirteenth birthday. I'm a couple of months older than he is. It had just been me and him celebrating my birthday in my bedroom. He had bought me this little cake and he had snuck a lighter from his mom to light the lone candle. It had been really sweet. We spent the rest of the day like we always had. My mom had come in and said that Ryan's mom wanted him home now. He stood up and gave me a half smile. My mom left the room and he helped me up from the floor.

Although at seven I kissed him, he had never kissed me aside from the cheek kisses we would sometimes give each other, I had always adored those. It brought Ryan closer to me. He caught me off guard when he pecked my lips instead of my cheek. When he pulled away my eyes widened. "Happy Birthday, and tell anyone about that and I'll kill you." I remember only being able to nod. Once he left my room I remember laying back on my bed not being able to forget how cute it was that he had kissed me. Something that I hadn't even expected from Ryan. He wasn't an aggressive type person. Not even close to one of those people who likes to take charge of things. He usually just went with whatever I did. I knew he wouldn't have been surprised if I had given him a kiss but it was strange to get one from him.

We never talked about it. Especially since not too long after that we were no longer best friends.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"How'd your encounter with Marissa Cooper go today?" Lindsey stood in front of me where I was sorting through papers on my bedroom floor. I glanced up at her above my glasses, the ones I only wear in the presence of my best friend.

"The same as always. She's got all of these idea's that totally suck for the kick off carnival. She's not even taking anyone's suggestions." I say to her as she sits down next to me. "My encounter with Marissa is nothing compared to my encounter with Ryan after school." I say pulling my glasses off of my face.

"How'd that go?" She grinned.

"I don't know. He's a jerk." I shrug. "But…I can't help but still see that guy I used to be best friends with. I just…" I start picking at my nails.

"What? I'm not good enough?" She laughed lightly pushing me. I looked over at her and gave her a smile. "How'd you two meet?"

"Our moms." I shrug. "We were basically forced to play together at a young age. I guess we just started liking each other's company." I tell her before leaning my back against my cool wall. The first day we had played together happened to be the day I asked him to see his private parts. I was forward even at five.

"To be completely honest, Taylor. I was expecting this huge elaborate amazing story about the two of you. The way you talk about your friendship with Ryan you make it seem like a fairy tale." She was right. I did talk about it like it was the most perfect thing in the world. To me, it was. It still is because I haven't exactly felt the same as I did back then.

"Sorry." I shrug messing with my nails again. "We were kids, I guess I should just let it go…"

"That's what I've been saying for the past two years!" She threw up hands up in defeat. I giggled at my best friend. "I should be getting home. I'll see you at school tomorrow." She says standing up from her spot.

"Thanks for coming over." I grin watching her walk out of the door.

"Taylor." My whole body tensed up hearing that woman's voice calling for me. I shut my eyes silently wishing her away. I opened them a little to only reveal her standing in front of me with her lips pursed. "This room is a mess." The only mess was the small one in front of me. "I'm going out of town for a few weeks and honestly Taylor, I don't think I can trust you here alone. So, you're going to stay with your father."

Those words totally shot me in the heart. I just stared up at my monster of a mother. She had to be freaking kidding me! My father?! That man didn't care about me, he cared about his new wife and his step-daughters.

"I can stay here alone…" I say. I've always stayed home without her. I didn't see how this time was any different.

"I've already talked to him. You're going over there tonight. Now clean up this mess and get ready to go over there." She demands me before walking out of my room.

_This can not be fucking happening to me_.

-

I park my car in front of the Cooper/Townsend mansion. I'm dreading these two weeks having to live in the same freaking house as Marissa Cooper. What exactly did I do to deserve this hell?

"Taylor, I'm glad you could make it." I'm not sure I've seen a more fake smile then the one Julie is giving me right now.

"I'm sure you are." I fake smile back at her walking through the front door. I put my bag on the floor before looking around the large home. To my right on the wall is a family portrait. My dad is standing in the middle of all three Cooper women. They could actually pull off the whole happy family bit. "Where's my dad?" I ask the red haired woman.

"He's in his office. I'll just get the housekeeper to show you where you'll be staying." She gave me that fake smile before walking off from me. I pulled my bag back over my shoulder once the short housekeeper appeared. She gave me a genuine smile before leading me towards the stairs.

She opened the first door on the right on the second story of the house. I glanced around the bland room before reminding myself that it was only a guest bedroom. I was a guest. In my own father's home. How crappy is that?

"Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes." The lady said before leaving me alone with my thoughts. I sat down on the firm bed before curling my legs up against my chest. This was my worst freaking nightmare.

"I remember you." A girl appeared in my doorway. Kaitlin Cooper. "You're Joseph's daughter. You were at the wedding." The 13 year old girl gave me a smile. "Marissa told me you're insane. Is that true?"

"I…uhm…I guess?"

"That is awesome! I've always wanted to meet someone who's crazy." She said walking into the room to sit down next to me. I'm really not sure if that was supposed to make me feel better or not. "How long are you staying?"

"My mom said two weeks but I hope she comes back before then. I honestly don't want to be here." I told the girl truthfully. I didn't want to lie to the kid. She seemed nice enough.

"Marissa has been throwing a huge fit all afternoon. Mom was about to kill her before Joseph bribed her." I loved the honesty in this kid.

"Well, I'm glad she gets something out of this." I sigh.

"Dinner is ready." She said getting up from the bed.

"Okay." I nodded smiling at her before she left the room.

_Family dinner. Joy. _

_-_

I remember the night my dad left. Of all things it was storming. He and my mom had this huge argument, resulting in my dad giving up on us. He said that he'd still be in my life but he lied. Once he and Julie became official he basically cut all ties with me. I hadn't known this at the time but my dad had been having an affair with Julie while he and my mom were still married.

I just remember feeling alone, wishing that I still had Ryan to turn to.

I soon learned that I had no one. Not until Lindsey came around. My mom had started picking on me. Telling me every bad thing that was wrong with me. According to my mother I'm the reason that dad left us.

I glance over the man I haven't seen since I was fourteen. He's got his head down reading through papers at the dinner table. Julie's got her fake smile going on again. Kaitlin's sitting next to me talking. Marissa's scowling at whoever tries to speak to her.

_What a family. _

"So, Taylor. Marissa tells me you're in the social committee with her." Julie grins at me.

"Yeah." I nod not knowing where she's going with this conversation.

"That's great. I expect the two of you get along?"

"As if." Marissa scoffed from across the table. "Taylor's a dork. I don't associate with the likes of her." Well, I admire her for her honesty.

"Marissa!" Julie glares at her. My dad just sits there not saying a word. The guy hasn't even acknowledged my being since I sat down with them. "Why don't you just go to your room."

"Thank you." Marissa says getting up.

"I'm sorry about my daughter. I have no idea where the girl gets that from." Julie has got to be freaking kidding me. Obviously her daughter gets her bitchiness from her. I just smile at Julie before going back to eating my dinner.

I can already tell these next two weeks are going to be the worst two weeks of my freaking life.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I don't expect him to be standing in the kitchen when I wake up the next morning. I pull my robe tighter against my body. I'm suddenly feeling self conscious about myself. Could be because he's currently gawking at me. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's it.

Marissa's rolling her eyes as I take a sip of the coffee Kaitlin had handed me just moments before. Well, if this wasn't awkward then I'm not sure what is.

"Taylor, what are you doing here?" His voice is a little harsh but I just put the cup down and give him one of my best grins.

"If you have forgotten, Ryan. Joseph is my father. So, why wouldn't I be here?"

"I've never seen you here before." He replied.

"Well, now you see me here." I smirk. He just let's out a frustrated huff. I really want to know what this guy's problem is. He was never this tense as a kid. Maybe being with Marissa Cooper has done this to him. That's the only logical answer I can come up with. Or it was the drugs I heard he dabbled in last year. Maybe it's from living with his mother. "Is this going to be a problem?" I raise an eyebrow at him. "I could have sworn you told me you two were broken up." I looked between him and Marissa. His body stiffens again and she shoots me a glare. It's not threatening at all. In fact it makes me sort of want to laugh.

"That is none of your business, Townsend." He turns and snaps at me.

"Fine. Not like it matters to me." I shoot back. "Obviously by the way your jaw was clenched when I walked into the room the two of you have such an amazing relationship."

"I'm leaving." Ryan simply said straightening up. "You can get your own ride to school, Marissa." He turned towards the girl who gave him a pout but he didn't take it. Instead he just walked right past her.

"Thanks." She snarled at me before exiting the room rather dramatically.

"What did I do?" I glanced over at Kaitlin who had a permanent smile on her face.

"You just pissed off my sister." My eyes widened at the little 13 year old using such a word.

"Don't say pissed, Kaitlin."

"Fine. You made my sister angry." She rolled her eyes at me still smiling.

"I should go get ready for school, see you later." I gave Kaitlin a small wave before leaving her alone in the kitchen.

Is it so bad that I want my dad to notice me? Just once, notice that I'm alive. He doesn't. Not even when I pass him on my way to the guest room does he acknowledge my being. I shouldn't expect anything more though. He even did this when I was growing up and we lived under the same roof. He did at least say hi to me when we passed each other in those days.

I had given up on him a long time ago. Particularly the day he married Julie Cooper.

-

I take a deep breath getting out of my car. I'm currently trying to prepare myself for whatever Ryan is going to say to me once we're sitting next to each other in class.

"We aren't together." He steps towards my car.

"Why exactly are you telling me this?" I close the car door.

"Because I don't want people to think I'm dating her. She's messed up." He stuffed his hands in his pockets before looking down at his feet. Now this was a different side of Ryan Atwood that I haven't seen in awhile. "I don't care what you think about me but the last thing I want is for anyone to think I'm dating her. We're just friends."

"I'm not really sure why you're going through all of this effort just to tell me the two of you aren't dating." I fold my arms over my chest as I sat my gaze on him.

I've always found Ryan cute, even as kids. But this was a different kind of cute. This was more like _hot. _Maybe it's the fact that puberty hit him or that I'm older and I can actually appreciate his looks. Whatever it is it certainly is making me want to kiss him right now.

Even though he is a complete jerk.

-

"Why aren't you two dating?" Sure, it's none of my business but I'm a nosy girl. Especially since I've barely talked to this guy in years. I want as much information about him right now as I can get.

We're supposed to be discussing the project the teacher just gave us but instead Ryan's busy doing something else. I start to get kind of excited at the thought that I'll have to go over to Ryan's or he'll have to come over to my house, to complete the project of course.

"Why's it matter?" He glances up at me. His face is void of any emotion. I suddenly want to take back my question.

"It doesn't. I'm just being nosy." I say with a nervous laugh and flick of my wrist. "She was probably getting too close right?"

"I don't want to talk about Marissa or my relationship with her." He glances up and then back down. "I don't even understand why you care, Taylor. We aren't friends, just lab partners." He says the last part with a different tone, as if he's trying to make a point. I just roll my eyes.

"I'm staying with them for the next two weeks. My mom's on vacation and doesn't think I should be staying home alone." I say answering his question from earlier that morning from the awkward kitchen conversation.

"Good luck with that." He laughs.

"Why?" I question.

"No offence but your dad's an ass." He tells me.

"Oh, I already know that! I've known that my whole life, remember when we were kids and I used to constantly complain about him?" I give him a grin as I talk.

"Yeah, I remember." He offers me a real smile.

"He hasn't talked to me since I arrived." I let out a sigh. I'm not sure why I'm telling Ryan all of these things. I don't even know why I'm being nice to him right now. Not after all the years of torture the guy has put me through. "Never mind, so can I get your number?"

"What?" I catch him off guard.

"For the project."

"Oh, yeah. Sure." He nods writing it down on a piece of paper and then handing the paper over to me. I write mine on the other side and rip it off handing it over to him. He just gives me a strange look before stuffing it into his pocket. "Thanks." He mumbles.

"Yeah." I nod and try to occupy the rest of the class with my work. To say the least, it doesn't work.

-

"Taylor!" I hear my best friend behind me. I turn around and give her a smile. "I've been calling your name for the past five minutes." She tells me once she reaches me.

"Sorry, I was just thinking."

"So, I wanted to ask you something and you can honestly say no to me but…" She bit her bottom lip.

"What?" I say getting a little annoyed by her lack of getting to the point already.

"I know you and Ryan have this past but I was wondering if you wouldn't mind if I went on a date with him?" I wasn't expecting that one. Of course I mind but what kind of friend would I be if I told her that? I mean after all Ryan isn't my property, I can't tell him whom he can and can't date nor can I tell Lindsey this.

"I don't mind." I give her a fake smile. "I have to go, but good luck."

_Great._


	5. Chapter 5

**This fic has officially become my baby. Things might seemed rushed right now and i'll be dealing with the Lindsay thing soon enough. **

Chapter 5

He doesn't even knock. No, instead he pushed the door wide open and tells me he thinks we have some things to talk about. I just nod and sit down on the bed but he's still just standing there. Staring. It's making me feel self conscious. I watch as he gulps and his eyes go down my body.

_Oops_.

"This is why they made doors and hands to knock with." I hiss standing up and walking to the closet to retrieve some clothes. I hear the door shut. At first I thought maybe he left but then I heard the bed squeak a little.

No, he stayed.

I can't believe he walked in on me changing. Right in the middle of taking my pants off there he was. The shirt was already gone. Good thing I hadn't taken my bra off.

"You know there are locks on those doors." He says a little breathlessly when I step out of the closet, fully clothed mind you. "You should probably use it."

"I'm dressed now, not like it's something you haven't seen before." I shrug walking over like it was no big deal that he just saw me half naked. It shouldn't be.

It's not like I have feelings for him.

And he sure as hell doesn't have them for me.

"You didn't have those the last time I saw you without…" He looked away. I giggled at how shy and nervous he was getting.

"Boobs, Ryan." I emphasize sitting down next to him.

"Yeah…those…" He nods still not looking at me.

"I'm pretty sure you look a little different without pants on since the last time I've seen you, so it's okay." I smirk.

"I didn't come here to…see you…practically naked. I don't even know why I'm here but…Jesus Christ, Townsend, stop giving me that look." He stood up quickly in front of me putting his hands on his hips.

"What look?" I ask confused. I really wasn't trying to give him any certain look. "What'd you come here for anyway? Marissa wasn't here so you thought you'd come see me?"

"I don't even know where Marissa is. I came here to talk to you…" He looks down at his shoes.

"Oh, about what?" I questioned.

"I was just thinking about how I've been treating you for so long…and for some reason I'm feeling sorry about it."

"Okay." I just nod.

"You were supposed to be wearing clothes." He muttered.

"Excuse me? You're the one who just barged in like it wasn't a big deal. No knock, no nothing." I replied. "Am I making you nervous?" I grin standing up in front of him. He just runs a hand over his face. "If I'm making you so uncomfortable then why don't you leave?" I ask taking slow steps towards him. He doesn't back up or do anything. He just stands there staring at me.

"I never thought of you as a sister." He whispers when I get closer to him.

"That's good, I never thought of you as a brother. Just a best friend." I laugh.

"I had to stop being friends with you because I was going through…that time in a boys life when…and you were all I could think about. I know at thirteen what kind of shit is that?" He looks away.

"It's kind of cute but it doesn't really answer the whole question." I say resting my hand on his chest slowly.

"I thought if we weren't friends anymore then I'd stop thinking about you because even at that age I knew I'd want to be with you when we were older. You knew too much, plus the whole thought of us not lasting scared me…" He says low and in an even tone. I cock my head a little and give him a small smile.

"You hurt me more by just ditching me like that, you know?" I say not moving my hand away.

"I know…" His hands move from his side to my hips. I squeak a bit since I wasn't expecting him to touch me. "I'm sorry." He lowers his head and brings his lips next to my ear. "Do you forgive me?"

"Only because you're inches away and I'm horny." I gulp closing my eyes before giving me a huge grin. I hear a chuckle from him. The mood was getting way too serious, I had to stop that from happening.

"I'll see you later." He backs away looking satisfied.

"Bye." I lift my hand up into a slight wave. He gives me one last look before opening the door and disappearing behind it.

I think I just saw Ryan Atwood for the first time as something other than my ex-best friend or a jerk. I saw him as a potential love interest.

_What in the heck am I getting myself into?_

_-_

It takes me awhile to leave that bedroom but when I do I can hear yelling coming from down the hall. I can't recognize the voices but as soon as I try to walk the other way Kaitlin quickly grabs my hand and pulls me towards the end of the hall.

"It's Marissa and Ryan, stand here and you can here them perfectly. They'll never see you." She smiles. I really like this kid.

"What's going on?" I ask just above a whisper.

"Marissa caught Ryan coming from your room." Kaitlin shoots me a look that I just shrug to. "She's telling him how he's being insensitive to her feelings. Whatever that means." She rolls her eyes.

"I don't know if I want to hear this." I lie. I really do.

"Don't give me that, you want to hear it."

"I do." I laugh.

"I'm supposed to only talk to you Marissa? I can't talk to another girl?" He yells.

"I don't care if you talk to other girls, Ryan, just not her." Marissa yells back.

"I'm not dating you anymore, You made sure as hell of that. Sleeping with Luke, really?"

"I didn't mean that, Ryan!"

"You were coked up, I know. Same excuse for everything. I'm tired of it. I went to get clean. You promised. You didn't keep that promise so, Marissa you have no say in anything I do in my life. If I want to fucking talk to her I will, if I want to date her I will, if I want to fuck her I will. I will do whatever I want and you have no say so!" I widen my eyes at what he just said. I glance over at Kaitlin and she just nods.

Neither of us were expecting their argument to be over so quickly but we were shown that when Ryan exited the room. He stopped when he saw me. He was about to just walk past me but instead grabbed my arm and pulled on me. I looked at Kaitlin a little scared. I had no clue what was going on.

-

"How much of that did you hear?" He pulls me into my room shutting my door violently.

"You went to get cleaned? As in rehab?" I ask him leaning my body up against the door. He walked across my room and nodded. "You were on drugs? I mean I heard you were doing a little but I never thought…" I trailed off when speaking seemed to get too tough.

"It was bad. I…the past summer. I had to leave her. I couldn't, I can't, get back into that. I have a future to think about. I refuse to be one of these fucking rich kids who gets everything handed to them."

"News flash, Ryan, you are one of those kids." I say but realize I probably should have bit my tongue on that one.

"Yeah, well not anymore. My dad did some shit and lost all of our money. My mom and I are basically homeless." He shrugs not looking at me.

I'm a little confused with his complete mood change. I'm confused that just earlier he was acting like he hated me and now…here he was telling me things I figured he had never told anyone else.

"So she did sleep with Luke, huh?" I wasn't sure if that was a good subject to bring up either but I did hear that conversation, I know so he might as well tell me more about it.

"Yeah, I came back a few days early for good behavior or something and…I was going to surprise her. I figured she was clean…and I found them together." He had a look of disgust on his face. I wanted to hug him in that moment but I wasn't sure if he would take my hug.

"So, why are you telling me all these things? You told me today we aren't friends. Just lab partners."

"We used to be friends. I knew I could talk to you. I knew…that you wouldn't judge me." He gulped not looking at me directly.

"So why didn't you say something when you were in here before?" I ask.

"You were practically naked!" He threw his hands in the air. I saw a smile spread across his face. I smiled back.

"I so made you nervous with that, didn't I?"

"Seth's dad is a lawyer. He's going to help my mom out as much as possible but…for now I have no one. I need someone and sure Seth is my best friend but I don't feel comfortable talking to him about all of this. I can trust you right?" He raises his eyebrows.

I'm a little surprised. Ryan trusting people is a big deal.

"Yeah, but you do know you have to start knocking." I smirk.

"I'll keep that in mind. Or…not." He mutters the last thing but I can hear it.

_Oh, God. In a matter of minutes I have already started liking Ryan Atwood. _


	6. Chapter 6

:)

Chapter 6

"Are you going to the Kick Off Carnival?" His question catches me off guard. We had spent the previous night talking like we were best friends still. It just felt right talking to Ryan again, even if it was a little weird with my obvious attraction towards him. Attraction that I knew hadn't been there when I was thirteen.

"I have to." I say.

"Alright, let me rephrase this." He smirks and I see him push him hands into his pockets. "Will you go with me?"

I wasn't expecting that. I just stood there with my hand resting on my locker for support. Over his shoulder I can see my best friend giving me a strange look. Then I remember that she likes him.

"I'm sorry, Ryan but no." I shake my head. I want to quickly say that I'd love to go with him but that's not an option. Lindsey likes him, I'm not allowed to.

"What, why not?" He looks shocked.

"I just can't. How about you take Lindsey, she's a great girl." I have to force a smile. "Oh look, there she is. Why don't you go ask her now?" I turn him around and give him a light push in her direction.

"You need to give me a valid reason, Townsend." He doesn't take my urgency for him to go away.

"She's my best friend." I say simply and close my locker door. "She likes you and I'm sure she'll love for you to ask her to go with you."

"Fine, but I can't promise I'll have fun with her."

"You will." I plaster a smile to my face. "Now go ask her." I push. He just shakes his head and turns around. I see a large smile on Lindsey's face before I turn around and head to class.

I couldn't watch him ask her.

The night before had been great. We sat in my room all afternoon and into most of the night just talking about our lives. He told me things he never told anyone else and in turn I did the same thing with him. I ended up falling asleep with my head in his lap. I woke up to him putting me in bed. His lips had softly brushed my forehead before he left. I had wanted to jump out of bed and ask him not to leave but I just stayed put.

I walked into my first period class with my head held high. I wasn't going to show Ryan that him asking Lindsey bothered me. After all, I had been the one that told him to ask her. What would it look like if I appeared upset? It would look weak. It would look like I had more then just friendly feelings towards him and there was no way I could let him see that. Not yet, at least.

"She said yeah." Ryan sat down next to me at our table.

"I knew she would." I gave him my best fake smile. It was the one I used at my Mother's many benefits, it was the same one I used whenever I was around Joseph or Julie.

I frowned thinking about Joseph. He had only grunted at me that morning when I tried to greet him. Marissa smirked at that and asked him for some money which he quickly pulled out his wallet and distributed a couple of fifty's. I just shook my head and thought about asking him for some money even though I didn't need it. I decided not to since I wasn't going to let him buy my love like he was buying Marissa's. I only had another week in his house and then I could go back home and forget all about my stay with them.

"I still don't see why…" He started but he was cut off by our teacher.

I was trying to pay attention to the lesson when I felt a tap on my arm. I glanced over at Ryan and he slipped a piece of paper towards me.

_I wanted to go with you, not her._

I took a deep breath before I replied. I wasn't exactly sure what to say to him but I knew that I had to be a little harsh.

_You missed that chance three years ago. I'm sorry but I can't forget how you treated me for all these years. I just don't understand. What's changed now?_

I pushed the paper back over to him. He quickly wrote something back and slipped it back over to me.

_Everything._

I took a deep breath and crumbled up the paper. I had nothing else to say to him.

The rest of class I kept my eyes on the front of the room. Once the bell rang he tried to say something to me but I just walked away before he could even get the words out.

In the past three years I have wanted more then anything to have his friendship back. Now, here he was handing it back to me and I was just pushing it away. All because of Lindsey. All because I felt like it'd be betraying her.

* * *

I was miserable looking around at all of the happy faces at the Kick Off Carnival. They looked to be enjoying themselves as they ingested so much fat that would make my Mother cringe. I had to stop myself from eating any of it. When Veronica got home she'd be able to tell, even if she'd been gone for two weeks.

I'd been there awhile before I spotted Ryan and Lindsey. He looked bored but I couldn't help but notice the large smile on her face. He looked up and noticed me. I was thinking about walking away but then Lindsey noticed me and waved. They started walking towards me.

Ryan was holding Lindsey's hand but he wasn't gripping on to hers like she was to his.

"Taylor!" Lindsey grinned as they approached me. "Are you having fun?" Lindsey was now giving me a fake smile and I really wasn't sure why. I just nodded, there was no need to tell her the truth. "Oh, well I need to use the restroom. I'll be right back." She patted Ryan on his chest. I suddenly felt a wave of jealousy hit me.

Judging by the look on Ryan's face right now he noticed the jealousy. I really need to start learning to hide my feelings better.

"How are things with Lindsey going?" I asked. I figured I had to say something.

"She's boring." He shrugged. I swear I squealed inside. Does that make me a terrible friend? "Nothing like you are." He leaned closer so he could whisper in my ear. My body betrayed me and shivered at his voice. He was too close. I needed to distance myself from him. Now. But, I couldn't move.

"You just need to get to know her better." I stuttered out. This wasn't good. I needed to put my guard back up. I needed for him to believe he wasn't having any affect on me.

"No, I don't think I do." He pulled away distancing himself from me finally. I realized why he did it because in the next second Lindsey was standing by his side again. She grabbed his hand quickly. I saw Ryan frown and try to shake his away from her. It wasn't working. Lindsey seemed to have a death grip on it. Lindsey whispered something into Ryan's ear. I heard a giggle come from her when he whispered something back into hers. It took everything in me to hold back a growl. Ryan must have noticed something because he looked up at me with a smirk on his lips. "I should get Lindsey home. We'll see you later Taylor."

"Oh, yeah. Bye guys." I gave them a slight wave. Ryan winked at me before they walked off. My heart fluttered and I felt my knees buckled beneath me.

I just stood there alone after they left me. I didn't know what my next move should be. I wasn't ready to go back to Joseph's.

I felt someone tap my shoulder while I was deep in thought. I turned around to find Marissa hanging all over Luke Ward. I widened my eyes and asked her what she wanted. She whispered something to Luke and pushed him awake.

"I just wanted you to know that Ryan is mine. He will always be mine." She tried to give me a sweet smile. I just rolled my eyes. "So, back off." She barked before turning around on her heels. I couldn't help but laugh. She wasn't even close to being intimidating.

* * *

Walking into Josephs house a few hours later I was greet by Julie in the kitchen. She was sitting at the counter talking to someone on the phone. She quickly stopped talking the second I stepped into the kitchen. She muttered a quick goodbye.

"You're home so early." She tried to start up a conversation.

"I'm not Marissa, I don't stay out at all hours of the night." I couldn't help myself. I should really learn to censor what I say around here. Julie frowned at me but didn't say a word. She flipped her phone back open and left the room. I heard her on the phone again before I left the kitchen to go to my room.

I plopped down on the bed groaning. This was not my comfortable bed. This was possibly the worst mattress I had slept on in my entire life.

I pulled my clothes off and climbed under the covers. Once there I couldn't fall asleep.

My mind just wandered to Ryan and Lindsey. I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of them being alone together. No, I didn't like it at all.

Just as I allowed my eyes to close there was a soft knock at the door. I sat up and muttered a quick 'come in.' I made sure I was covered up enough before they stepped into my room.

I widened my eyes when I realized it was Ryan at my door. He stepped towards me. He looked like he had been crying. I grabbed for my robe and pulled around me getting out of my bed.

"Ryan, what are you doing here?" I walked to him. He didn't say anything just wrapped his arms around me.

"Can I stay here tonight?" He croaked out. I just nodded and pulled away from him. I figured I would talk to him about it later when he wasn't so upset. I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards my bed. "I'll take the floor."

"No, silly. There's room on my bed." I said a little nervously. I crawled into the bed and Ryan got into the opposite side. Everything seemed so awkward as we lay there. That is until Ryan reached out and pulled me to him. I rest my head on his chest a little confused to what was going on. I figured I'd deal with it all in the morning. Right now I was just going to enjoy my closeness to him.

"Thank you." I heard Ryan whisper before I dozed off.


End file.
